


Deadly Pair

by ToxicHaire212



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Character, Banter, Chaos is inevitable, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kinky Asexual, M/M, Mischief and Misfortune? Yikes, Not ALL that serious, One-Shots, Requests are accepted (No smut), Sadomasochism, Thor is not amused, Trolling, heads will roll
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 14:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18367499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicHaire212/pseuds/ToxicHaire212
Summary: Loki, though he may not admit it, has a hard time in solitude. He knows no one will bother with him so he won't bother with others. That was until he met a man named Kalfu, the God Of Misfortune. At first, he had a distaste for the man but after allowing himself to confide in him...let's just say they were an incredibly deadly combination.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Please give me feedback on this story. I want to improve and I'd like to hear from you all. Thanks!

Kalfu was always one to keep to himself. He wasn't the sociable type nor was very fond of humans. It wasn't that he hated them, but he certainly preferred not to interact with them. That was unless, of course, he was causing misfortune for his own amusement. Kalfu took delight in granting or denying access to his power or anything they requested from him, despite most not being sure he even existed. Kalfu often kept to the shadows. Not many people have actually caught a glimpse of him, but that didn't ruin his fun.

After all, the idea of having access to an otherworldly being and exploring places outside of your own dimension will always be an enticing offer. Humans are curious creatures, they'll always go after something they have a hard time comprehending. Especially if that something suggests some form of benefit to them. It makes it all the more tempting.

See, while Kalfu may not fully enjoy their company, he found humans interesting. They were so predictable but also unpredictable, they were intolerant of each other's differences but somehow knew how to keep evolving with time, they were petty and unworthy of any special treatment yet also found intelligent solutions to put a stop to their own conflicts. Kalfu was always on pure ecstasy when he messed with their lives from afar and watched their reactions. And he was even more ecstatic when they gave him a reaction he wasn't expecting. Whether it was chaos, peace, or neutrality, Kalfu wanted to witness it all and roll the dice to see where it would land.

Some might consider him cruel. And he wouldn't necessarily argue with that. But he had yet to find someone that was his intellectual equal. It's not that he couldn't make friends, he just had a hard time keeping them. Kalfu has others of his kind that see him now and again, but they're just so boring. Kalfu would like to think he had a pretty decent personality and was kind to others if given the chance. But everyone he's met immediately cut him off once they've gotten to know him. He shared his secret with them and they betrayed his trust.

So he gets off on other people's suffering, so what? It's just how he was. No one he's actually bothered to talk to had any attributes he hadn't seen in someone else. None of were unique, none had an out-there perspective. None of them could hold up a complex conversation with him without trying to change him or not being able to understand where he was coming from. Kalfu had given up hope of finding someone he could share his strength and amusing hobby with.

That was until he met Loki. It was an unintentional event. He had just so happened to be wandering through the dimensions that he owned when he spotted the man in the distance. Kalfu had sighed, not pleased with the fact that someone was trespassing on The Crossroads. Usually, he would receive requests to enter his realm or have a spirit be brought out into theirs and he would decide whether he'd let them in. But this man had somehow made it here on his own. 

"You know you're entering The Crossroads, right?", Kalfu started, walking over to the intruder that was so casually strolling in his territory,"This isn't exactly a place for a good ol' hike. I wouldn't suggest taking a step further."

The man stopped just a few feet away from him. A slight frown crossed his lips as he took in Kalfu's appearance. The first thing he took notice of was how pale the other male's skin was, then noticed the crimson tattoo marks all over his body and face, but the most notable oddity was his long black shadow-like hair. It moved, flowing back and forth as if he was under water. The man's frown turned into a smirk as his beautiful piercing green eyes made contact with Kalfu's blood red, snake-like ones.

"I take it you aren't a mortal.", Kalfu stated.

"Hmm?"

"No human could even come close to this place, even by accident.", Kalfu explained,"And judging by your attire, you aren't exactly from a low rank. Putting that aside, though, I want to know why you've come here."

"I wanted access to this realm's power, obviously.", The man finally answered,"Now, if you can just step aside-"

"Denied.", Kalfu interupted flatly.

The man let out a low chuckle,"I figured that would be your answer."

Kalfu narrowed his eyes as he analyzed his accent," An Asgardian.", he sighed,"I take it you're Loki, then?"

Loki's smirk widened,"My, my. You catch on fast. Then you should know how much of a threat I am. Let me pass."

Kalfu stood his ground, preparing for a fight,"No. You shall not pass."

Loki held back a snicker,"Lord of The Rings? Really?"

"Shut up.", Kalfu snapped,"Leave, I'd prefer not to waste my time in a petty fight."

"Well, I suppose I should kill you quickly, then.", Loki cooed, readying his scepter.

"Don't test me, God of Mischief.", Kalfu's red eyes flashed fiercely,"It will not end well for you."

Loki only lifted his scepter higher,"Try me.~"

Kalfu approached Loki and on impulse the sent a blast his way. Kalfu easily deflected his attack and knocked the taller man's weapon far out of his reach. Loki growled in frustration,"Why you insolent little-"

Loki wasn't able to finish his sentence as the air in his lungs was suddenly cut off. He fell to his knees in shock, looking up at Kalfu who wasn't even strangling him, just watching as he suffered. Loki's eyes began to ache immensely as they turned pitch black and began to weep gooey black tears. His muscles began to swell and he fell over, paralyzed.

Loki coughed up blood, his voice hoarse,"Y-You....y-you..."

Kalfu just sat down next to him casually, not responding to the other's agony. A good hour passed of Loki trying to get up or grab his scepter but failing miserably because of the intense pain in his body and due to Kalfu snapping his fingers and pushing his weapon even farther away when it was just in his reach, smiling all the while. He was clearly enjoying his struggle.

"You done yet, green eyes?~", Kalfu smirked, resting his chin in his palm.

Loki coughed irritably, trying to shift feeling back into his body. When that didn't work he reached for his scepter once more, only to have it magically moved again. Loki hissed loudly, pounding his fists on the ground repeatedly. After about fifteen more minutes of silent whining, he stilled, giving up.

Kalfu nodded, satisfied. He snapped his fingers again, this time making a goblet and rum bottle appear. He let the bottle poor itself and then mixed in his preferred powder before grasping the cup and taking a sip. "Why do you even want this power?", He asked between gulps.

"I have to....have it...", Loki answered shortly, coughing up more blood.

"Why?", Kalfu asked again.

"I need it. To defeat my brother and those pesky new friends of his.", Loki managed to turn over on his back, "I'm powerful enough on my own, but ever since he's joined them, it's become nearly impossible to achieve my desired goal."

"Typical.", Kalfu sighed, taking another sip of his rum,"How bad was your childhood, green eyes?"

Loki glared at him,"I beg your pardon?"

Kalfu shrugged,"Well, I imagine you'd have a pretty damn good reason to want to murder your brother and his friends in cold blood. And to go as far as to trespass The Crossroads and try to force your way through by fighting me.", Loki remained silent," Or you're just a heartless piece of shit obsessed with status and power. ....Or a little bit of both, I suppose."

Loki sighed,"I was...adopted."

Kalfu nodded,"Check. Go on."

"I only found out about it recently, my so-called father had been lying to me this whole time.", Loki hissed,"I could've accepted that fact if it wasn't for how differently he treated me and my brother. With my brother, it was like he found a treasure he wanted to keep for himself. With me, it was like-"

"-You were invisible and none of your accomplishments mattered to him.", Kalfu finished, watching as Loki eyed him in shock,"No matter what you did, you were always second best. Despite the countless times he said 'I'm proud of you!'-if he ever did- he still found a way to make you feel inferior by comparing you to your brother."

"....Yes.", Loki confirmed,"I spent my entire life trying to live up to his expectations, to beat my brother at his own game, to get in everyone's good graces but-"

"-It was all for nothing. You had enough of their bullshit and decided to become independent and prove that you were a serious threat when pushed too far.", Kalfu finished again.

"Aren't you the perceptive one.", Loki said bitterly.

"I respect that."

"What?"

"Taking your fate into your hands and killing others with confidence-and murder-getting back up when you've already been knocked down several times. Like right now after I properly kicked your ass.", Kalfu chuckled at Loki as he glared, almost choking on his rum,"Even after being treated like a monster all this time you still have it in you to keep going. ", Kalfu seemed to pause, looking as if he was remembering something,"That kind of ambition is beyond admirable, badass even."

Loki laughed, ignoring the soreness in his throat,"I've killed millions, tried to kill you, and didn't bat an eye at any of it."

"Yeah, neither do I.", Kalfu tilted his goblet as the rum bottle poured more into his glass,"No judgment here, green eyes. The thrill of getting to have power over everything is a feeling like no other."

"And the looks on the remaining victim's faces are worth savoring.", Loki agreed.

Kalfu chuckled,"You don't know the half of it."

Loki tried to stand again but the pain kept him down. "Hold still.", Kalfu lets go of his goblet and let it levitate for the moment,"I'll heal you."

Loki nodded, wanting the pain to go away. Kalfu created a swarm of tree leaves and covered Loki's body with it. They formed around the god's body, fitting as if it were part of his skin. They glowed in black and purple, then returning to green and was whisked away by the wind. "Okay, try standing."

Loki did as he was told, stretching, rubbing his neck sheepishly,"If you don't mind me asking, what are you?"

"I'm what humans would consider a grand master of sorts, I'm skilled in charms and dark sorcery.", Kalfu explained,"I also decide who or what receives any form of bad luck, misfortunes, or injustices. I get to grant or deny access to anyone who wishes to take any or summon a spirit from The Crossroads. I'm also a master of the 'human condition'. Mortals seem to take comfort in the fact that I might be an actual being and often use me to cope with their problems.", Kalfu took another sip of rum,"I turn up to lend them a hand every now and again, I'm not a monster. But to be perfectly honest I much rather enjoy watching them await their fate, whether it's good or bad, I don't really mind.", Kalfu chuckled to himself,"A lot of humans consider me a demon, the ones that believe in me, of course."

"Well, it seems you fit the description perfectly.", Loki quipped, smirking,"Meddling with other's luck is more than a little mischievous, I would know."

"I prefer to be considered a god of my own making, thank you very much.", Kalfu folded his arms," 'Demon' is such a derogatory term, no offense to actual demons but-"

"You get to define what you are and it's infuriating when others try to tell what you aren't.", Loki finished.

"And base their whole opinion of you on your title, right?", Kalfu continues,"Thinking you can't be anything more than what your name implies."

Loki seemed to pause, looking down and thinking about their conversation before speaking again,"But it helps to push their buttons."

"Let them know they don't get to you, being happy when they're pissed or miserable.", Kalfu nodded.

Loki smirked again,"Indeed."

"You're not-for the most part- what I expected, green eyes.", Kalfu smiled,"You are, and this is not a joke, way smarter than anyone I've ever encountered."

"Hmm, funny, that's what I've been saying for centuries.", Loki rolled his eyes, thinking back to the countless individuals who refused to see his point of view, including Thor.

"But others are just too stupid and have their own ideologies shoved so far up their asses, you swear they literally shit it out.", Kalfu grumbled, sipping his rum irritably.

"I'd say the same for you.", Loki chuckled.

"Pardon?", Kalfu snapped.

Loki held up his hands defensively,"Being the smartest person I've ever had a conversation with, that is. Your worldview isn't so painfully shallow."

Kalfu smiled at the compliment from the other god,"My name is Kalfu.", He reached out a hand for Loki to take, which he did,"It's nice to meet you, Loki."

"Haven't heard that before.", Loki laughed,"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Kalfu. Adorable name, by the way, it sounds like a fluffy animal."

Kalfu raised an eyebrow, smirking,"Don't push your luck, God of Mischief. You're lucky I'm allowing you out of here, to begin with."

"Hmm?", Loki looked perplexed.

Kalfu stepped pass Loki, "You can't leave once you've entered The Crossroads, without my permission. Once you're here, you're bound to this place, no matter how powerful you may think you are.", The young god explained,"You knew what The Crossroads were, yet not how they functioned? Now I see why you get defeated so often, your planning skills are beyond poor."

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but closed it when realizing his huge error. "Thank you for escorting me out.", He sighed, grabbing his scepter.

"No problem. Just don't trespass my territory again, any of them.", Kalfu warned, knowing what a trickster Loki was and that he'd probably attempt to find his other dimensions and slip pass him that way.

Loki gulped as Kalfu opened a portal, he had only known the man for a short time, but already he found himself terrified of him. That trick he pulled off during their battle (if you even want to call it that) was enough to tell him to be wary of him. Despite his lean body and lack of muscles, he was far from being weak. Loki made a mental note to not underestimate him again. "U-Understood."

"Good boy.", Kalfu smiled,"Run on home, now.~"

That wasn't the last time they met, though. Most of it was pure coincidences. Loki would be attacking a city and fighting The Avengers, then hit through a couple of buildings by The Hulk, landing on the floor of an apartment flat directly under Kalfu, who happened to be screwing with a couple's dark energy to get them to argue. "Hi, Loki.", he would say casually despite the catastrophic circumstances.

"....Hey.", Loki would often reply back, not really knowing how to respond to being reintroduced to the other god in such an awkward way.

Other times they would meet when they were after a mutual target, trying to beat the other to it once they realized they were in competition. Then there were those times when they were just strolling aimlessly and would bump into each other (sometimes quite literally) and Kalfu would smirk and put his hands on his hips saying,"You following me around, green eyes?"

At this point, they just decided to hang out regularly, seeing as how they seemed to keep meeting anyways. It was a rocky start at first, nothing more than a bit of a companionship, one where each would meddle with the other's fun just to be a brief nuisance. Then they would just sit and talk, not really being what you considered friends since Loki was still a little too touchy when it came to certain discussions. But after they'd grown used to the other's company, it was easier to just talk to each other without worrying about pushing too far, despite how many playful insults they spat back and forth. 

After a few months of being friends, they had gotten so close that they decided to form a partnership. Kalfu would help Loki find a way to defeat his brother and The Avengers, Loki would take pleasure in being double the trouble when Kalfu practiced his magic on others. To say they were quite the bother to everyone would be a vast understatement.

They were truly inseparable and due to this, Loki and Kalfu had found themselves smitten with each other. It was an unspoken truth. The two couldn't tell if the other was aware of their feelings or just completely dismissing the possibility and thought nothing of the affection they received. Kalfu was often the one to initiate physical contact, he had no problem with jumping the other god in a hug whenever he so pleased. He would even do this while they were on a mission, in the middle of battling The Avengers, and all of the heroes would stare in pure shock and terror that someone would so willingly violate the God of Mischief's personal space. They were sure Loki would cut off his head for touching him since he kept on such a poker face and didn't hug back. 

But Loki always waited until he was released and casually went back to threatening them as if nothing happened. It baffled The Avengers more when Kalfu would rub their cheeks together and lovingly coo Loki's name whenever he succeeded in getting the upper hand. 

Loki, on the other hand, would only give him a loving pat on the head or wrap a possessive arm around Kalfu's shoulder and pull him to his chest when someone threatened his safety in any way. Even when it was unnecessary and he was just having a conversation with someone. Kalfu wasn't complaining though, having a handsome prince of Asgard be protective over you was a delight indeed. 

Kalfu thought he'd never get any confirmation on Loki's feelings for him, but he was fine with that. As long as he was in his friend's company, he didn't care. But then Loki came home to him, bloodied and bruised, absolutely furious. Loki threw off his helmet and kicked over the living room nightstand before flopping on the couch. Kalfu was a few rooms down and ran over to the startling noise that his companion had just created.

"Loki! Why did you go off on your own?!", Kalfu cried, grabbing a hold of his face,"Look at yourself!"

Loki didn't respond, just huffed angrily. Kalfu sighed, deciding that a lecture was not what he needed at the moment. He went to the cabinet, grabbing a jar of his leaves, water, and a wooden bowl. Kalfu looked over at Loki as he grounded the leaves,"Mission failed, we'll get 'em next time."

"Not funny.", Loki hissed.

"Just trying to lighten the mood, green bull.", Kalfu said, looking back down.

"Well, it's not helping. So stop."

"Don't get so bent out of shape. You'll find other ways to beat them, you always do.", Kalfu reached for the water, poured some in and continued to pound the leaves.

Loki laughed bitterly,"And I always fail."

"Because you are reckless and impatient, not weak.", Kalfu replied sternly.

"How else would you describe a God who can't take down a group of mortals?", Loki snapped.

"You're smarter them, Loki, all of them.", Kalfu encouraged,"You have more integrity than anyone I've ever met, you never give up. That's worth something."

"Even if I want to take down Earth's mightiest heroes?", Loki lowered his voice a bit,"People who want to protect others, not just themselves."

"Well, to be frank, they aren't exactly skilled in keeping others safe. I mean, you're still alive, aren't you?", Kalfu gave a satisfied look when Loki smiled slightly,"That's not eliminating a threat, it's postponing one. That's rather pathetic. Heroes, my ass. They're terrible at their job, can't even get rid of a talking reindeer."

"Hey, I resent that.", Loki pouted.

Kalfu chuckled, using his magic on the bowl before making his way over to the couch with it,"I'm only teasing.~"

Loki held still as Kalfu applied the medicine to his face and hands. A moment of silence passed before Loki decided to speak again,"I'll never be king."

"You will.", Kalfu protested, putting some medicine on his black eye.

"Even if I do, they'll never accept me, not really. I'm not even within birthright.", Loki sighed,"Not that it matters, I was always expected to turn out like this, I was never trusted to begin with."

"You are more than your title, Loki.", Kalfu reminded him,"But it is also part of your armor, wearing it proudly is what got you this far."

"It hasn't gotten my father's approval.", Loki spat.

"Fuck your father.", Kalfu replied,"You haven't needed him for a while now. Look at you, look at how independent you've become. You had countless opportunities to go crawling back to Daddy but you knew what you wanted and rejected him, like he did with you. And your brother had nearly everything handed to him. He doesn't know your struggle, no matter how much he says he loves you, he still turns against you. You're strong, Loki."

"But I'm not a king.", Loki repeated.

"You're my king, Loki!", Kalfu declared, resting his hand on his cheek. Loki eyes widened, shocked to hear such a thing. "You're my king, you always will be."

"K-Kalfu...you-"

"I mean it, I remain loyal to no one else. Understand?", Kalfu took his other free hand and used it to brush some hair out of his face.

Loki felt his face heat up and his throat goes dry,"Kalfu...I..."

Kalfu tilted his head curiously,"Hmm? What is it, Loki?"

Loki took a deep breath, it was now or never,"I...I have feelings for you. I have for a while now. I'd thought I'd tell you so there aren't any more secrets between us. We're...friends, after all."

Kalfu smiled,"Good. Glad that's cleared up, now I don't have to hesitate either."

"Huh?"

Kalfu's smile widened,"I love you too, Loki."

Loki frowned,"I'm the last person that you should ever be involved romantically with.", he said flatly.

"If you can't accept someone's flaws, then there isn't a relationship at all. We would be enemies right now, not friends, if I couldn't do something so fundamental.", Kalfu countered just as flatly.

Loki laughed,"You're too good for me."

Kalfu smirked, raising an eyebrow,"On the contrary, I think I'm just terrible enough to handle you."

"Good.", Loki got off the couch and pulled Kalfu into a warm hug, the other god hugged back and hummed contently as he nuzzled his chest. "Because I'm not giving you up without a fight."

"Ah ah ah.~ I think you have that backward, Loki.", Kalfu chuckled, pulling back from their hug a bit. Loki looked down at him, perplexed. Kalfu reached up his hand to grab Loki's neck, sinking his nails into his skin, his crimson eyes shining. "I wOn'T bE LeAvInG yOu.~"

Loki felt his blood go cold as he gulped,"....Right."

Kalfu giggled at his reaction and stood on his tip toes to give him a peck on the cheek. He stood and may his way over to the front door, suddenly serious. "I'm hungry, buy me dinner."

Loki smiled, following his boyfriend out the door,"As you wish, darling.~"


	2. Invading The Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just shit posting, honestly.

MyBallsAreIronToo has joined the chat...

CaptainPatriot has joined the chat...

SpiderForHire has joined the chat...

MyBallsAreIronToo: Yo, Cap! Whatcha been up to?

CaptainPatriot: How'd you know it was me?! :O

MyBallsAreIronToo: Cap, seriously? You couldn't have picked a more obvious username.

SpiderForHire: While we're on the topic of usernames....really, Tony? Of all the things you could've picked.

MyBallsAreIronToo: Oh, come on. It got your attention, didn't it? ;) Besides, it's creative, I like it.

SpiderForHire: Oh my god...

ThunderDaddy has joined the chat...

ThunderDaddy: Did someone call for me?! :D

MyBallsAreIronToo: Pffffttt~....

SpiderForHire: No.

ThunderDaddy: Hey! :(

MyBallsAreIronToo: Nice to see ya, Thor. XD

ThunderDaddy: Wtf, Tony? Could you have chosen a weirder username?

MyBallsAreIronToo: I don't want to hear that from you, Mr. 'ThunderDaddy'.

ThunderDaddy: Shut up, it's cute. :T

MyBallsAreIronToo: Yeah, maybe it is to Jane.

ThunderDaddy: What's that supposed to mean?

MyBallsAreIronToo: I'll tell you when you're older.

ThunderDaddy: Grrr, don't treat me like a child! >:(

CaptainPatriot: Break it up, you two. -__-

ThunderDaddy: He started it!

MyBallsAreIronToo: Not my fault you're so sensitive.

ThunderDaddy: Not my fault you're a Jackass!

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Ooooo~ Cap! Thor said a bad word!

MyBallsAreIronToo: Da Fuck?! Get out of here, Kalfu!

SpiderForHire: Where did you even come from?! The chat didn't even register your username.

CaptainPatriot: Nevermind that. What are you doing here, Kalfu?

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Just came to hang.~ Hoping ThunderDaddy can make me feel electric.~ ;)

CaptainPatriot:.....No comment.

SpiderForHire: OMG, why?

MyBallsAreIronToo: Aren't you Ace?!

ThunderDaddy: And with Loki. :I

SpiderForHire: Also, never make another pun for the rest of your worthless existence. That was just terrible.

KinkShamingIsMyKink: What's wrong with wanting Thor to light up my world?~

SpiderForHire: Stop.

CaptianPatriot: Please leave, Kalfu. -___-

KinkShamingIsMyKink: What? Is my amount of bad puns shocking?

MyBallsAreIronToo: Throw yourself off a cliff, Kalfu. *facepalm*

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Already did. It felt good.

ThunderDaddy: What's the matter with you? 

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Everything.

ThunderDaddy: *sigh*

WebHead has joined the chat...

WebHead: Hey guys!~ :D

MyBallsAreIronToo: No. Go to bed, Peter. You have school in the morning.

CaptainPatriot: Lay down, kiddo.

SpiderForHire: Go to bed NOW, Peter!

WebHead: Aww, come on! Just for an hour! :(

MyBallsAreIronToo: No!

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Hiya, Spidey!~

WebHead: Hi, Mr. Kalfu! :D

ThunderDaddy: Don't breathe a word to him, young one.

WebHead: Why?

ThunderDaddy: He will steal your soul with words.

WebHead: .....Lol, What?

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Hey, kiddo. Have you ever tried using headphones as shoes?

WebHead: Uhh, no....Why would I even do that?

KinkShamingIsMyKink: I mean you'd technically be breaking a sound barrier whenever you walk. Plus it'd make a funny noise. You might even derive pleasure from the pain. Certainly would be fun, wouldn't it?

WebHead: You...aren't making much sense, Mr. Kalfu.

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Alright, maybe you'd prefer loafers, then?

WebHead: Huh?

KinkShamingIsMyKink: You know, shoes made out of bread!!! You get to chew on your toes without people looking at you weird! :D

CaptainPatriot: Pretty sure that'll get even more people staring.

SpiderForHire: Please tell me you don't actually do that, Kalfu.

WebHead: Cool! I want a pair! :D

MyBallsAreIronToo: DON'T encourage him! Also, go to bed!

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Ever drink soda while hanging upside down and eating pop rocks? It's quite the rush, I was high for ten hours. Turns out, gangster unicorns are very nice creatures.

WebHead: What?! I gotta try that! Gangster unicorns? What're they like? :D

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Very beautiful and rather polite, my boy.~ They made me tea and taught me their language after I showed them the wonders of upside-down soda drinking and pop rocks eating.

WebHead: You say they're gangsters. Wouldn't they be violent?

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Not really. Though I did have to help them resolve their gang war with those rowdy Ant Eaters. It was quite troublesome.

WebHead: Oooo~ :O

ThunderDaddy: What is this conversation?

CaptainPatriot: I honestly don't know anymore.

SpiderForHire: Please kill me...-___-

MyBallsAreIronToo: Is he implying that he ISN'T high most of the time?!

CaptainPatriot: I don't think soda and pop rocks are the same as drugs, Tony.

HandsomeGreenReindeer has joined the chat...

CaptainPatriot: No.

MyBallsAreIronToo: Leave.

SpiderForHire: Gtfo, Loki.

ThunderDaddy: We can barely handle your psychotic boyfriend, we are NOT dealing with you too, Loki!

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Ah~ I enjoy such warm welcomes.~

SpiderForHire: Piss off.

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Don't talk to my prince like that! I will annihilate you, peasants!

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Hello, sweetheart. :)

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Hi, honey.~ ^////^

WebHead: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

CaptainPatriot: This is a digital conversation, Peter.

WebHead: They can kiss digitally!~

MyBallsAreIronToo: I got a better idea.~ :D How about...YOU GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, PETER?!

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Honestly, Tony! You know how Papa Cap feels about that diddly darn swearing!

CaptainPatriot:....Shut the hell up, Kalfu.

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Tsk, tsk. Not showing a very good example there, Papa Cap.

HandsomeGreenReindeer: "ThunderDaddy", am I reading that right?

ThunderDaddy:.....It's cute. :T

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Yeah, maybe to Jane.

ThunderDaddy: What does that MEAN?!

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Honestly, brother. Your obliviousness is truly astonishing. -__-

MyBallsAreIronToo: I don't think you have any room to judge with a username like that.

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Kalfu made it like this. I don't know what he did but I can't change it.

CaptainPatriot: Why not just make another account?

HandsomeGreenReindeer: I was too lazy.

ThunderDaddy: Bruh....

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Silence. Internet requirements are a headache.

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Heh, that's rather petty, Loki. Not gonna lie.

HandsomeGreenReindeer: Says the one who apparently gets off on others not being able to get off.

......No one is typing.

CaptainPatriot: Why'd it get so quiet all of a sudden? Guys?

MyBallsAreIronToo: Shhh~ Don't question it. This is bliss.

SpiderForHire: So, are they gone?

HandsomeGreenReindeer: DpW;KQNMLxyErn1*lluuuuuuuuuuu

HandsomeGreenReindeer has left the chat....

CaptainPatriot: What the hell? What just happened?

KinkShamingIsMyKink: He didn't call me Master....that's what happened.

WebHead: O////O

MyBallsAreIronToo: Told you to leave, kid.

SpiderForHire: Oh shit...

ThunderDaddy: Kalfu!

CaptainPatriot: Kalfu....don't tell me that you...

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Hehe~ Don't worry, he's still ALIVE! ^^ A couple million burning demon whips never hurt anyone!~ 

CaptainPatriot: Tell me I won't have to pay that hospital bill....-___-

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Yup! Have fun!~

CaptainPatriot:.......I hate you.

KinkShamingIsMyKink: Love you too, Papa Cap! Remember to read ol' Spidey boy a story before bed!~ ^^

WebHead: I've been kicked down to kindergarten status now? -__-

MyBallsAreIronToo: Go to bed, Peter.


	3. Asexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For any ace readers, this might hit a little close to home. Just giving a fair warning. I hope did an okay job with this one. Please feel free to tell me what you think.

Kalfu sighed as Thor folded his arms, giving him a sympathetic frown. "Just tell him."

Kalfu ran a hand through his hair, flopping down on his pillow. "How?"

"Just be straightforward, Kalfu. He'll understand."

"It's not that easy.", Kalfu whined,"You know that my sexuality isn't something that's ever talked about, hell it's not even taken into consideration when the topic of sex comes up. Everyone assumes that because I'm in a relationship or because I'm a man it automatically means I'll have sex, no questions asked."

"Loki isn't everyone. He's your boyfriend, he's the only one you should worry about. My brother is a smart man, he wouldn't break up with you over something so trivial.", Thor put a supportive hand on his friend's arm.

"But...what if he does?", Kalfu sat up, clenching a pillow,"What if he thinks there's something wrong with me? What if he doesn't take me seriously? What if he thinks I'm lying to him just to get out of having sex with him? Like everyone else."

Thor called his hammer from the nightstand,"Then I will smash my hammer down on him as many times as it takes to fix that puny little brain of his!"

Kalfu chuckled at the other God's overdramatic answer,"You're too much, Thor."

"I am serious, my friend.", Thor's hammer lit up,"Say the word, and I will make him regret ever hurting you."

"Thor, you are being overprotective. ...Again.", Kalfu sighed.

"Anything for a future brother of mine.~", Thor smiled gleefully.

Kalfu blushed, hiding his face in his pillow,"Shut up. You don't even know if that will happen."

"It will.", Thor said with much confidence.

"Yeah, sure.", Kalfu scoffed sarcastically,"If he can get past the fact that he won't be able to stick his dick inside his super hot boyfriend for the rest of eternity. Then, yeah! I'm sure he'll gladly put a rock on my finger!", Kalfu glared at the wall,"Let's be reasonable, Thor. The moment he finds out I'm like this he'll leave me. No questions asked."

Thor sat on the bed next to him, pulling his companion into a hug,"You're a wonderful, intelligent, and refined man, Kalfu. My brother would be truly insane to let a catch such as yourself go."

Kalfu sniffled,"You're just saying that."

"I mean it.", Thor pressed,"Has he ever tried to initiate anything? If you don't mind me asking."

"Well, no. Not that I remember.", Kalfu leaned more into the hug, wrapping his arms around Thor's torso.

"Then what are you worried for?"

"How gullible can you possibly be, God Of Thunder?", Kalfu said bitterly,"Just because he hasn't asked for it or tried anything doesn't mean he isn't thinking about it. It's the most common of sense."

"Isn't that good, though?", Thor asked,"It means he's been waiting for your consent this entire time."

"But I don't WANT him to wait!", Kalfu shouted, pulling away,"I don't want the topic to even be a thought in his head! That's the whole point!....I...I don't want to do it at all. But...I do love him. I don't want him to think otherwise. I....I don't want him to hate me." A few tears fell from his eyes and he covered his mouth, trying to block the sounds of his sobbing.

Thor pulled him back against his chest,"Then tell him, talk to him."

Kalfu shook his head,"I can't, I'm afraid."

Thor sighed, they will never get anywhere if this continues,"Alright, alright. I'll give you a week to tell him. Go at your own pace. But, if you still can't, I'll tell him for you and we can work our way up from there. I'll be with you every step of the way if you need me. Deal?" He handed Kalfu some tissues.

Kalfu nodded and blew his nose,"Deal."

Thor gave a supportive smile and ruffled his hair,"Take a nap for now, you need it."

Kalfu obeyed, laying back down as Thor left the room.

A week later....

Kalfu paced around his room, it was now Friday. The time was ten o'clock. In just two hours, Thor would open his big mouth and spill the secret he had so desperately tried to hide from Loki. He was so conflicted right now. On one hand, he wanted to tell Loki himself because he loved him and trusted him. That and he didn't want Loki to feel like he didn't trust him by having him find out about it from someone else. On the other hand, he wanted to keep his secret because he was terrified of the outcome.

"Kalfu?", Kalfu jumped, turning to see Loki in the doorway.

"O-Oh, hi...", Kalfu breathed.

Loki frowned,"Is there something wrong?"

"No!", Kalfu said far too quickly,"Okay, yes...Close the door and have a seat. We need to talk."

Loki looked worried but did as he was told, sitting next to his boyfriend on the bed they shared. "Am I in trouble?", Loki said jokingly but hoped he wasn't. Kalfu was absolutely terrifying when he was angry. Hell, he was terrifying when he was happy.

Kalfu shook his head,"No.", he sighed,"This is about...something else."

"Go on."

"I just need to know, before I say anything...do you think I'm depriving you of any romantic benefits? Was...", Kalfu paused,"Was there ever a time when you thought something was wrong with me? That there was something missing? That what we have right now isn't enough?"

Loki looked shocked at his love's questions but quickly grabbed his hands,"No, of course not. Why would you ever think that?"

Kalfu hyperventilated,"Because I've been so afraid to say anything. I felt like I was just stringing you along all this time."

"Breathe, love.", Loki tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear,"What's the matter? Please tell me."

"Loki...would you hate me if I told you that I would never want to have sex with you?", Kalfu hated it more by saying it aloud, hanging his head down in shame. It felt wrong, disgusting, to even utter the words.

"Huh?", Loki felt perplexed at what his boyfriend was trying to get at.

"I'm asexual, Loki.", Kalfu almost vomited. Why? Why did he have to be like this? Maybe if he was like everyone else, he wouldn't have felt this nagging anxiety. But...here he was. As if he wasn't enough out of the norm already.

Loki was silent for awhile, he let go of Kalfu's hands and that made the God's heart drop. Loki's lack of a response didn't help, every second that passed, made Kalfu even more sure that they were broken up. "I-I...I'm sorry, Loki-"

Kalfu didn't get to finish his sentence as Loki held him tightly in his arms, "No. Don't you dare apologize.", His voice was stern but soft,"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Kalfu cried into Loki's shoulder, unable to hold his tears back anymore,"Because I....I thought you'd think something was wrong with me! That I needed to be fixed! That I didn't love you because I was unwilling to explore that aspect of our relationship! I...I was so scared, Loki!"

Loki held him tighter, stroking his hair lovingly,"Hush. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're perfect the way you are I'd never ask you to change just to please me.", Loki pulled back a little, wiping his tears away,"I love you and nothing will ever change that. Understand?"

Kalfu nodded, his dark crimson eyes glowed happily,"Thank you, Loki."

Loki smiled, pressing affectionate kisses all over the other God's face as he brought him back into a hug.

"Ack! Loki, stop it!", Kalfu giggled, trying to push him off.

"No, I don't think so. This is your punishment!~", Loki cooed, proceeding to assault his face.

Kalfu gave up and just returned the mountain of kisses he was receiving to the best of his ability. After that bit of excitement, Loki and Kalfu remained on the bed cuddling and enjoying each other's company. "Thanks again, Loki.", Kalfu said after a while, humming contently against his chest.

"No need to thank me, darling.", Loki smiled down at him,"I'd do anything to make you happy."

Kalfu chuckled," 'Kay. Make no mistake, though..."

"Hmm?"

Kalfu smirked, his red eyes flashing,"Just because I'm ace, doesn't mean I won't whip you.~"

Loki's face went beet red and he averted his gaze as his heart rate picked up,"How am I the one completely flustered right now when you're the one who just came out to me?"

Kalfu laughed, Loki was adorable when he was embarrassed. Kalfu cupped Loki's cheek, forcing him to look into his eyes,"You're going to have to try harder, love.~" He gave him a sweet peck on the lips before wrapping his arms around his neck. From where he was hugging Loki, he spotted Thor in the doorway giving a pleased smile and a thumbs up. 'Get married.', He mouthed quietly.

'Get out.', Kalfu mouthed back with a smirk.

Thor laughed, returning to his own room to let the two lovebirds fawn over each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This portrayal of asexuality is not accurate for everyone. All asexuals are different and have their own conditions and exceptions when it comes to relationships. Please, keep that in mind. Thank you.


	4. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Banner bit off more than he could chew.

To say Kalfu was a monster would be a vast understatement. The man was a complete maniac, a loose cannon, an unpredictable chaotic neutral, a tyrant, whatever word you wanted to use to describe him. The bottom line, he was one to be feared and wary of no matter how polite and sweet he seemed on the outside. That was one of the worst things about him, he could pull at your heartstrings as if he was strumming a guitar.

He was just a mild nuisance at first. Occasionally showing up at the Avengers tower just to mess with their tech and appear on screens or barge in unannounced. Then he started showing up during their missions when they were after a mutual target or when he "just wanted to join in on the fun". Meaning he wanted to make things as violent and as catastrophic as possible. The times he got really annoying was when he used his magic to get the Avengers to argue, whether it ended in them not communicating for a while or a large fight that cost a lot of collateral damage, he didn't care either way.

It finally came to a breaking point for Fury when Kalfu took out an entire group of his international forces, just to see how they'd react. Now he was on their radar, any form of sight on the man meant open fire, no questions asked. However, it was practically impossible to get any hits in and fighting such a skilled trickster wore all the Avengers out. He could kill them at any point, yet he chose to toy with them like a cat with a ball of yarn. Just because he was bored.

The Avengers thought it couldn't get any worse having Kalfu as a regular thorn in their side, but then....he just had to form an alliance with the God Of Mischief. As if the little shit wasn't a big enough problem already, Loki was added to the already overflowed mix of troubles they had to deal with. When they found this out, a lot just stood in place filled with horror, others had panic attacks, and some even fainted. (It was Steve.) The worst part was no one knew how long that alliance would last. Sure the two were friends ( and possibly even more than that) but Kalfu has always proven to be neutral no matter the circumstances so there was no guarantee he'd remain loyal to his comrade.

Everyone agreed he was nothing more than a mad dog, someone who sought entertainment no matter what form it took. They didn't hate him, they didn't like him. He was just another 'Loki' they'd have to put up with from time to time. They never took him for being evil, just crazy. That was until a battle that led to everyone wanting to rip him apart. 

Captain America had ordered Hulk to go after him to create a distraction so he and the others could have an opportunity to apprehend Loki. Cap thought it was a good idea, Kalfu was strong and he was sure Hulk would lose but he would at least slow him down.

"You know, they say showing nothing but blind rage is a sign of weakness. You're just trying to hide what's really bothering you by scaring others off.", Kalfu chuckled as the Hulk only responded by trying to smash him again,"If you could only listen to what I'd have to say, you'd know what I'm doing is within your best interest. But I see you'd rather toss me around. Typical."

Hulk roared, charging angrily towards the God and jumping high in the air, ready to pounce. Kalfu moved out of the way effortlessly, using his weapons to tie the green beast up with the metal surrounding them. In a split second, Kalfu was able to channel some of his magic into Hulk before releasing him and preparing for his next blow. He dodged it easily, only having his ankle caught by giant green hands. 

Hulk was about to smash him, only for Kalfu to dig his claws into his arm,"Let's not get too familiar, Banner."

That was all Hulk heard before his limb was severed from his body and tossed out of his reach. Hulk wailed in agony but instead of focusing on the pain, he tried pinning Kalfu to the ground. The God was quick though, using his hair to block the blow and slice off his fingers. Kalfu watched as Hulk screamed in frustration.

"Yeah...sorry about that.", Kalfu sighed,"How's about we just sit here and make a compromise? You listen to what I have to say, I call a truce with your team, and we let bygones be bygones. What do ya say?" Kalfu opened his arms as if he was expecting a hug.

Hulk was silent for a minute, before growling again and charging. Kalfu smiled,"Predictable." The God stood his ground, opening his mouth, revealing razor sharp fangs. Hulk, being so blinded by his rage, ran right into Kalfu's trap and got his other arm bitten off in a flash. That wasn't enough to stop Hulk though, he jumped, hoping to crush Kalfu beneath his feet. 

Kalfu growled,"Don't you ever stay down?! I'm doing this for a reason, you mindless tool!" Kalfu made a leap faster than eyes could see, bitting off Hulk's right leg then his left. Once he was back on the ground, Kalfu began smirking, still holding the overgrown limb in his teeth. 

Hulk was down, for good this time, and that made Kalfu smirk wider. The raven-haired male spit out the limb, satisfied. "I'm just too nice for this business.", He sighed solemnly, flashing a toothy grin as Hulk tried to move,"I wouldn't recommend that, dear. You won't be regenerating those limbs. You see, all it took was just a little touch of my magic and now you can't regrow anything."

Just as he said that Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawkeye came rushing in to help. They all stopped and gaped in horror at the state their friend was in. It only took looking at the huge mess on the ground and Kalfu's usually moderately red lips that were covered in Hulk's fluid for them to figure out what had transpired. "This is awkward.", Kalfu said with a grin.

Black Widow lost it and despite Cap and Hawkeye's warnings, she approached the God, ready to kill. Kalfu stood there, watching as the assassin froze and struggled to breathe. Black Widow dropped her gun as her muscles numbed. Despite the pain, she still tried to get to the bastard that just tore her friend apart. Kalfu rested a gentle hand on her forehead,"Hush, be still. I'd prefer not to have this end in your demise." He spoke to her as if he was soothing a child.

A purplish-black glow emitted from his palm and Black Widow slowly closed her eyes, dropping in front of him. 

"Natasha!"

"Easy, Clint.", Kalfu raised a hand," She's just resting."

Hawkeye raised his arrows, obviously furious," I'm going to kill you, you son of a bi-"

A blue blast struck Hawkeye before he could do anything, though, and that made Kalfu smile. Loki stood between him and Captain America, warning the soldier not to take another step towards them. "Nice to see you came to offer a helping hand, green eyes."

Loki panted, seeming to be exhausted from fending off their foes,"I was preoccupied."

"Not preoccupied enough to fend off Pikachu, it would seem.", Kalfu responded, looking up as Thor approached.

Loki sighed,"Trust me, I wish he would just stay down."

"Have you tried biting off his limbs?", Kalfu said, moving to Loki's side, not trying to let Thor strike him.

Loki gave him a look,"What?"

"I'm joking.", Kalfu said nonchalantly, grasping Loki's hand.

"Are you though?", Loki raised an eyebrow at him.

Kalfu shrugged,"That depends on how hard he tries to hit you."

Loki raised his scepter, sending a blast towards a large building, effectively causing Thor to crash and block him off long enough to pull Kalfu away. Kalfu quickly grabbed the severed limbs of the Hulk and lovingly held onto Loki's arm.

Captain America was too busy checking up on Hulk who was slowly morphing back into Bruce. Thor smashed through the building Loki had dropped on him,"LOKI!!!!"

"It's too late, brother! We're leaving!", Loki kept Kalfu close, ensuring his protection in case Thor would try anything, which he very well might given what the other God had done.

"How much longer are you going to let that psychotic bastard lead you around?!", Thor approached them angrily.

"You don't understand what's going on, brother.", Loki blocked Thor's view of Kalfu, ordering his brother to stay back so to avoid another fight.

"Why are you protecting this monster?!", Thor snapped,"Are you truly so far gone you can't see how dangerous he is?!"

Loki looked ready to fight Thor again by that comment,"Call him a monster....one more time."

Kalfu sighed, grasping his hand again,"Do not waste our time on a petty quarrel, Loki. We need to go, now."

Loki nodded, obeying the order. Kalfu snapped his finger, he and Loki began fading into a million lights, and as his magic reached their faces, Kalfu gave Thor an unreadable look. "You'll thank us later."

Thor charged at them futilely, watching as the lights disappeared before his eyes.

At the hospital...

Bruce had never been so traumatized in his life and that was really saying something. He had woken up in the hospital with no limbs on his body. He briefly recalled the pain of teeth and claws sinking into his skin, then the sudden feeling of being completely helpless after. The last thing he recalled was terrifying crimson eyes and a razor-toothed smile looking down at him.

Fury came in and wordlessly dropped some weird looking prosthetics next to him before turning to leave. Four of them seemed to be the size of his human limbs, the others were practically giant. Bruce could barely even speak but he tried anyway,"W-What are...those?"

"Prosthetics. Brought to you by whoever the fuck.", Fury answered.

"What?", Bruce blinked, confused.

"All I know is these prosthetics showed up the moment you arrived here in a nice pink bow. And given we weren't able to find some for you right away, I figure those would be a good placeholder.", Fury explained.

"You...sure they're safe?", Bruce asked, wary of the items.

"If they aren't, we'll remove them. Good day, Banner." 

Shut.

Bruce lied there, suddenly filled with dread. He had lost his limbs and this time, he wasn't able to get them back. He looked at the ceiling, wishing he could at least reach for it, but that was impossible.

The memories came flooding back all at once. He remembered fighting Kalfu, Loki's partner, all he really did was toy with him. Nothing out of the ordinary. He had feigned kindness, calling on a false truce between him and the other Avengers, acting as if they were old pals. But this fight, was far more brutal than any of the others they'd engaged in. 

Kalfu was violent, there was no doubt about that. It only took meeting the man once to figure out he was a massive sadist. But Bruce never thought he was this sadistic-this savage until today. He remembers nothing but the pain, the sound of flesh tearing, the gushing of his blood spraying everywhere. It all happened so fast, that at the moment, he had barely processed what was going on.

Yet now he was replaying it in his head in slow motion, catching the millisecond he lost each body part. And all the while, in all his pain....Kalfu was fucking smiling. Bruce will never be able to get that chilling grin and those lustful crimson snake eyes out of his head. They were burned into his memory, his blood ran cold at the mere thought of coming into contact with Kalfu again.

Bruce heard the chair next to his bed creak and turned to see who had sat down, wondering how they came in without the door opening. It was none other than Kalfu, looking oddly askance, wearing his usual attire but a lot more clean than before.

"Hiiiii....", Kalfu blurted weirdly with a dashing smile, not acknowledging Bruce's terrified expression.

Bruce tried to sit up as best he could and cry for help but Kalfu had his hand over his mouth before he could even let out a breath. The God smiled moderately at the distraught man, leaning down to whisper in his ear. "Hush, hush.~ We wouldn't want to disturb other patients now, would we?", Kalfu purred, deciding to answer his own question,"No, we wouldn't. I'd imagine having a brawl in the hospital with your comrades would be rather discourteous, no?"

Bruce only responded by weeping and shaking non-stop. Kalfu chuckled at the other man's terror, letting go and sitting contently in the chair. "Ease up, Banner. I've only come to have a friendly chat."

"I....d-don't want a-anything to do with someone like you. Go away.", Bruce looked away from the God before him.

Kalfu pouted childishly,"That's mean. That bow took forever to tie onto those prosthetics, you know. I thought it looked pretty but I come here only for you to spit on my efforts."

Bruce looked at him with wide eyes, which made Kalfu smirk,"Yes, I sent you those prosthetics, built them myself as well. I'd appreciate a little gratitude."

"You tore them off.", Bruce hissed, trying to hide how scared he was.

"For a good reason.", Kalfu made no effort to deny it,"If I hadn't done so you'd see a lot worse than my smiling face."

"So you gonna take my organs too?", Bruce snapped.

"Hey, not a bad idea.", Kalfu's red eyes flashed with intrigue, but he didn't move from his spot,"But, no. I gain nothing by taking your insides. Well, other than an orgasm."

Bruce just pretended he didn't hear that last part and chose to not entertain the God with conversation. Kalfu sighed,"Refusing to listen to me yet again, I see. Well, regardless I'll be using your disability to my advantage, whether you and your team cooperate or not."

Kalfu got up to leave, creating a portal. "I won't let you."

Kalfu smiled deviously, turning to make eye contact,"And what will you do to stop me? Smash me, crush me? I think you're short a couple of fists.", Kalfu chuckled darkly,"Need I remind you I made those for you, I can take them apart just as easily."

Bruce breathed heavily, getting angrier and angrier by the second, he felt Hulk trying to take over but his lost limbs and the pain that was still fresh would not allow him to. "Well, if that is all you have for me, I better get going. Loki has dinner waiting."

Kalfu took his leave through the portal, leaving Bruce to his thoughts. And his nightmares.


	5. Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is hurting. Kalfu comforts him.

I strolled around the prison of Asgard, humming to myself and let my eyes roam the hallway, making sure I wouldn't be stopped by a guard. It's become quite the habit of mine to sneak into the Asgardian territory and run around its establishments whenever I got bored and wanted to piss off the security for somehow letting me slip pass them. Odin tries to keep me out. He can't, of course. I'm far too precise and quiet for him to know I'm breathing, let alone in the same area as him. Ha! The old fool!

I heard that they had recently taken the God Of Mischief, Loki, into custody after he had attempted to destroy the planet Earth. I came here looking for a bit of entertainment from him. After all, a guy who's willing to destroy an entire planet to prove a point has got to be fun, right?! 

I finally spotted him in one of the cells, reading a book. I stood there for awhile with my eyes glued on him. I had to admit, he was rather handsome. Loki eventually noticed my figure in the corner of his eye and caught me staring. He didn't seem displeased by my presence nor did he look particularly interested either. Despite this, I flash a charming smile,"Hello there, Loki.~"

Loki blinked, giving a look of confusion and indifference. I chuckled. Yeah, 'bout the reaction I was expecting. My gaze shifts to the book he's reading and gasped,"Hey! That's one of my favorites. You like it too?"

Loki's turned back to the pages, obviously trying to block out my entire existence from his mind. "Not really, I actually find it quite dull. It's nothing more than a pass time."

I huff and get closer to his cell. "I promise it's good, you just have to be patient with the beginning. Good stories aren't always obvious, you know." 

Loki seemed perplexed by my enthusiasm and shut his book. "Why are you even speaking to me?"

"I find you intriguing, that's all.", I wave my hand dismissively,"I'm bored and could use an intelligent conversation every now and then."

Loki eyes widened a bit before he turned his gaze away. He was trying to hide it, but I could tell my response was enough to put him at ease. "What could you possibly find interesting about such a boring premise?"

I smirk. Fufufu.~ I got him interested.~ Before I knew it, I was retelling the tale of the story from start to finish. Loki allowed me to ramble, even setting the book down and maintaining eye contact with me. He was so wrapped up in listening to me that he didn't realize I was finished until I stood up to leave. I bid him goodbye once I heard heavy footsteps approaching. Don't need another earful from that eye-patched narcissist. 

I came back the next night just to go on another walk. Once I enter the prison hallway Loki stops me, requesting to hear a new story. It surprised me at first but I was flattered he enjoyed my company. Soon my meeting him and telling him a story became a routine. Sometimes I would intentionally come at a later time just so that I could surprise him by hanging from the ceiling and going 'Boo!', carrying a couple of books in my arms. 

Loki laughed and shook his head disapprovingly,"Get down from there."

I stuck my tongue out at him but did what I was told and landed on my feet without making so much as a sound. I sat down and read him the books I brought, like always, he listened to every detail that left my lips and didn't turn away for a second. Once I was done with all of them, I suggesting to bring more when I returned. But Loki shook his head,"I'd much rather listen to a story of yours."

A smile spread across my face but I added a little sass to my eyebrows. Very charming, green eyes. I take my leave once again, disappearing into the distance. Loki is already facing me when I return and I indulge him again, telling some stories from my childhood and some of them I just made up on the spot. The other god kept a smile on the entire time. I couldn't but smile back a couple of times myself.

I greeted his brother on my way out. "Thank you for keeping him in check.", his booming chirped

"I haven't been really doing anything.", I shrug,"You know I'm not here for any of you, right? Your issues don't concern me. And if you ask me, he doesn't need to be controlled."

Thor became aware that I was visiting Loki when I tackled him one night while he was alone. I kept going on about how cool he was while he just moaned in pain. Why did I tackle him, you ask? Because he's funny when he's in pain!~ I do what I want. Plus it's not like he's tried to stop me from trespassing. Heh, he gave up on that a long time ago. I wish Odin was as adjustable as him. Then again, it would make me messing with him more boring. So, whatever.

"Yes, I know. But still...", Thor paused,"Loki is the type to always be on edge. Not a moment goes by where I think he isn't plotting something maniacal in his head. My brother never seems to be satisfied with anything. But I think those stories you tell him puts him at ease. With you, he's seems very relaxed."

I resist the urge to thank him. Though I was extremely flattered and felt like this was the best compliment I've ever received, I didn't like the way Thor spoke of Loki. Still, the fact Loki was so fond of me gave me a warm feeling inside, I couldn't help but smile anyway. I thought all was well and good. That nothing could spoil my enjoyment of sneaking into Asgard just to visit Loki.

But then....Lady Frigga, Loki's mother, died. I knew about it before he did since I had hidden somewhere while the place was under attack. All I saw was Thor aiming his hammer at their enemies before everything calmed down and I realized what had happened. To be honest, I didn't care about her at all. She was just another Asgardian to me. But I couldn't bare to think how Loki must have felt after losing his mother.

I tried to reach him under all the insanity but unfortunately, a guard got to him first. I froze, waiting to see his reaction. To my surprise, he just sat back down and returned to the book I lent him. 

I waited to see some form of sadness or any emotion to surface, but he remained unfazed. I feel a bit disgusted with him at this. Sure, I couldn't care less about Frigga, but she was the woman who raised him. He should at least feel something. Perhaps I was just a pass time as well. To think I allowed myself to grow close to someone.

Wait...

I sense a small ting of magic coming from Loki's cell, it was faint, but it was there. I walk over to Loki's cell to get a closer look. The spell surrounding his cell vanishes, and rather than a calm and collected Loki, I see an utterly broken Loki, sitting on the floor of his cell, with his furniture smashed to pieces around him.

He looks up at me, trembling. His face is tear-stained, his eyes are swollen from crying, his hair is disheveled, and I even spot a cut on his foot from where he tread on broken glass, but he doesn't seem to be aware of it. In a shaky voice, he says,"Please...tell me a story.", Chocking, he barely manages to say,"Tell me something beautiful....please!"

I feel my heart break and without hesitation, I teleport into the room. I sat down and began to tell a story. Loki hummed approvingly but was so unresponsive I wasn't sure he was really listening. Still, I continue to tell him the story about a prisoner and the free man. The free man was by no means a law-abiding citizen but he always seemed to get away with his actions and do whatever he wanted. The prisoner, however, only resorted to crime because he was desperate for acknowledgment. But no matter how hard he tried, he was pushed away at every instance and was treated like he wasn't capable of being a good person despite never given the chance to. The free man felt bad for him and gave him someone to talk to whenever he was unsupervised. They became good friends and despite his better judgment, the free man fell for the prisoner. They could not be together, however, since the prisoner was never allowed to leave due to his life sentence.

Loki remained quiet as I paused but then looked up at me and waited for me to continue,"What happened?" His broken, desperate voice cut me like a sword.

I felt the heat rising to my cheeks as I look down and finished up the story,"The free man made a plan, a plan to set the prisoner free. He managed to help him escape and fled from the jail. Once they were far enough, the free man confessed his feelings and began a life with the prisoner. Though it was a happy ending on their part, the free man vowed to make sure the world would know what a great person the prisoner was and make them regret ever hurting him."

The room was silent. I was afraid my story didn't soothe him. A few tears fell down his face as he turned away,"...Thank you." Was all that was said.

I couldn't take it anymore and pulled him into an embrace. I held his head under my chin and let him rest on my heartbeat. I thought he would pull away, but instead, he wrapped his arms around my torso and sobbed quietly. I ran a hand through his hair and tightened my hold,"Hush...It's alright. I'm right here."

It took awhile for Loki to calm down but he eventually stopped crying and just nuzzled me affectionately. If it wasn't for the current mood, I would've teased him about how cute he was being. I wanted to stay by his side longer but if I did Odin would be made aware of my presence. And considering my close relationship with Loki, he'd make his life even worse if he caught us like this. I couldn't risk that, poor thing has been through enough. 

I stand and wave goodbye to Loki, promising to be back tomorrow. "Thank you again. Your story really helped me."

I smile,"If you say so. Good night, Loki."

With that, I take my leave.

******

I reentered Loki's cell the next night with a pair of clean clothes that I thought would be to his liking and flashed a smirk at him. Loki gave a confused blink, trying to process what was happening. "I'm breaking you out, genius.~"

Loki's eyes widened, "Why would do this for me? They'll come for you as well."

I only smirk wider, rolling my eyes,"I thought I told you that last night." I open a portal in front of me and turned. I half glance at him, expecting him to follow.

It took awhile for Loki to realize what I meant, but I could tell by how red his face became and the way he looked like he was scolding himself for not catching on sooner, he finally figured it out. "You coming, or what, green eyes?~", I chuckle, relishing in his embarrassment.

He nodded, following me into the portal. "If you could do this, why didn't you break me out before?"

I giggle evilly, "You never asked.~"

My amusement only grew as Loki groaned angrily.

 

~Epilogue~

Loki awoke in the middle of the night, surprised and upset not to see his partner lying next to him in his arms. He got out of bed as he felt a cold breeze coming through their bedroom door. He made his way out, grabbing his robe, and went to search for his companion. Loki spotted him on the balcony, leaning over the pole and looking up at the night sky.

Loki smiled, slowly approaching him and put his robe over his shoulders, joining him. Kalfu hummed contently and moved his head under Loki's arm. "What are you doing out here, anyway?"

Kalfu shrugged, hugging Loki's waist,"Just thinking, nothing all that important."

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.", Loki said, wrapping his other arm around Kalfu,"You always were a night owl."

"Like you're one to talk.", Kalfu smirked,"Did you ever sleep in that cell? Go ahead and tell me you were just waiting to see my beautiful face again."

Loki scoffed, but was unable to stop himself from smirking and chuckling,"You're lucky you're cute or I would've punched you in your perfect teeth a long time ago."

Kalfu tightened his hold on Loki, sighing happily,"Eh, I would've preferred a knife.~"

Loki shook his head,"You are too much."

"I love you too, sweetie.~", Kalfu cooed. Loki smiled fondly and leaned down to kiss his forehead, which Kalfu returned with a kiss on the cheek.

"Let's get back to bed, it's late.", Loki moved to release Kalfu but the other god whined in protest and wouldn't budge. Loki sighed and complied with the request of being held all the way back to their room.

"Well, can't wait to stuff my face tomorrow morning.", Kalfu chuckled as Loki looked at him weirdly, "I stole all of Thor's pop tarts, including his 'secret' stash."

Loki found himself laughing at his love's ridiculous actions,"He's gonna kill you."

"He will try, darling.~", Kalfu sang as they entered their room finally,"He will try.~"


	6. Scares and Treats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is was for Halloween. Out of date but I hope you like it anyway.

Loki had initially thought this..." tradition" was idiotic and a complete waste of time. I mean, why in the Nine Realms would mortals celebrate their fears?! But the more Kalfu enlightened him on the subject, the wider Loki's smirk seemed to spread. Sure, the concept of being happy or even enjoying one's fears was certainly odd, but the opportunities it opened was far too vast for the God Of Mischief himself to ignore. And with his dear friend Kalfu by his side, their fun was limitless.

So began the sanity consuming torment of the God Of Thunder, Loki's older brother, Thor. The poor bastard didn't even know what kind of torture that was to come this passing month. Kalfu devised a plan to scare him on a day when Odin and Frigga were out of the house. Thor was just sitting on the couch, watching TV, eating a pop tart. Loki and Kalfu peered around the corner, then looked at each other, smirking widely. No words were needed. Their eyes shimmered evilly, creating communication that only long-term friends could understand. 

They both nodded to the other, taking off to do their individual tasks. Loki multiplied himself and switched off all the lights, as well as sealing the blinds shut. He bewitched them just in case Thor tried to turn them back on. Loki smirked as he switched off the TV from afar, watching with delight as his brother began to freak out. Thor had calmed himself enough to conclude that power just went out and went to search for a solution. But his moment of solace wouldn't last long.

It was Kalfu's turn. As Thor stumbled across the hallway, Kalfu followed him quietly. Kalfu looked down at one of his favorite voodoo dolls and decided that mimicking its appearance and capabilities were perfect for this scenario. Kalfu chuckled darkly, purple mist surrounding his body until he was completely morphed into a perfect replica of the doll. Kalfu mimicked the presence of the doll so to have Thor stop in his tracks. He patiently waited for the other boy to turn around. When he did, Kalfu did nothing. Thor was petrified with terror and couldn't even get a word out without stuttering. 

Thor pathetically tried to raise his hand without being obvious, Kalfu knew full well what he was trying to do. He was trying to call Mjolnir. Kalfu was quick to grab Thor by his belt and drag him across the hallway. His sharp, abnormally long claws crept across the other boy's form as he struggled to get free. Loki had to restrain his laughter as his brother shrieked like an old lady. Kalfu brought him into Loki's room and released him. Thor made a dash for the door only for Loki, who was now hiding under his bed, to shut the door with his magic. Before Thor could even think of breaking it down, Kalfu was an inch in front of his face as his back hit the wood behind him. 

Kalfu remained silent long enough for Thor to be able to hear the ticking of the clock outside the bedroom. Just when he calmed down, Kalfu roared loudly, sending Thor into another panic attack. The other god slid down into a ball and began to weep. "BEGONE!!!", Thor tried to be brave but the fear was clear in his voice. 

Kalfu took it a step further and wrapped Thor in rope, tapping his mouth shut with a sticky black substance. He levitated him until he was upside down and in the center of the room. Thor continued his muffled screams, in even more despair now that he couldn't call Mjolnir. Loki moved onto his bed and sat there with an arm on one knee, smirking triumphantly. He commanded his other selves to switch the lights back on before making them disappear. Kalfu turned Thor to the side so they were facing each other.

Loki smiled deviously at his shaken brother, "Hello, dear brother.", he chuckled, "How's it hanging?~"

Kalfu moved over towards his companion. Loki smiled up at his friend's large and impressive form, reaching to stroke his huge rough face. "I see you've met my new pet.", Loki cooed fondly. Kalfu was amused at how far Loki was willing to go with this prank, so he decided to play along, even adding a purr for good measure. Loki chuckled at that.

Thor's fear turned to rage as he screamed through his restraints. Undoubtedly muffling a long "LOOOOKKIIIII!!!!!!".

"Oh come on, brother. Lighten up.", Loki spat joyously, glad Kalfu got the hint as he breathed a line of fire in Thor's direction. Thor screamed like an old lady again, expecting to get burned to a crisp. Kalfu released his restrains and watched as he flopped to the floor. He changed back to his original form and joined Loki as a laughing mess on the bed. Thor's pathetic attempts to tell them both off through his angry tears and fearful shaking only made them wail louder. Thor had enough and charged at both them. Loki and Kalfu moved quickly before Thor could jump them on the bed, causing the blonde to flop face first on the mattress. 

The pair of troublemakers giggled as they dashed out the room. Thor followed them with blind rage, knocking over items he'll definitely be scolded for later by his parents, not at all keeping up with his tormentors. 

\----

The other scares were a bit more subtle, but frightening nonetheless. Kalfu put a spell on one of Thor's pop tarts. When the blonde took a bite, he tasted his own blood on his lips and felt something slither into his mouth. The unknown creature somehow found its' way into Thor's cornea and began to wiggle its' way out. Thor confirmed it was a caterpillar but one he hadn't seen before. It suddenly morphed into a butterfly, slowly and painfully replacing Thor's eyes with its' wings.

Thor shrieked in terror and desperately ran around the kitchen to find something to take it out. It was all an illusion, of course (though he could make it real if he wanted to), but the pain of the insect in his eye and the blood dripping down his cheek felt very real. 

Kalfu and Loki looked on with sadistic amusement as they watched the other god squirm around in agony, futilely looking for help. This was all Kalfu's idea and Loki just had to praise him for his creativity, he wished he would've thought of something like this.

Loki wrapped his arm around his friend, smiling fondly as Kalfu leaned his head on his shoulder in return, "What would I do without you?~"

"Have a less mentally tortured brother.", Kalfu replied snarkily.

"Ah, yes. How silly of me.", Loki chuckled and Kalfu followed. They continued to watch Thor weep with pain, the evil smiles never fading. Kalfu nuzzled closer to his friend and rested the side of his head on his. Loki only hoped he didn't notice the slight blush that colored his cheeks.

\----

The next target was the bathroom. Thor had become more cautious since he knew that all these horrific scares were made up by Loki and that dreadful friend of his. Honestly, he had no idea why his mother loved Kalfu so much. Thor decided to take a shower before anyone else was awake. Surely they couldn't find a way to torment him in here, right?

Oh, Thor. You naive boy you. 

Five minutes into the shower, everything seemed totally fine. In fact, Thor was confident he was going to be able to at least bathe in peace. He thought wrong. A black, gooey substance started to gurgle up from the drain. It was spreading too fast for Thor to try and exit the tub. The goo stuck to his ankles and quickly began to creep up his entire body. Thor tried to move but to no avail. He made an attempt to scream for help but by then he was sinking into it and drowning as the strange liquid drag him down further than a normal tub should be able to go. Thor was helpless, all he could do was panic.

An hour later and Thor managed to find his way back to the surface, grabbing on the edge of the tub for dear life and threw up some of the black goo. He coughed and wheezed, looking up when he noticed two pairs of feet in front of him. Kalfu and Loki stood above him with wicked smiles and glimmering eyes of mischief.

Thor seethed at them, gritting his teeth and breathing out angrily while still trying to get air back into his lungs. 

"My, my, Thor. You look terrible.", Kalfu said, putting on a facade of concern.

"Yes, indeed, brother. You might want to be a bit more thorough in your bathing methods.", Loki quipped, smiling wider as his brother growled at him.

"You two....", Thor started but Loki cut him off.

"Ah, don't fret so much, brother. I'll make it up to you.", Loki reached for the faucet and turned the water back on, "There. Don't worry, water is enough to wash it all away, you'll be fine. I and Kalfu will give you your privacy now."

Loki signaled for Kalfu to follow him as he walked out. They shut the door behind them. Then, they heard another blood-curdling scream from Thor.

"AHHHHHH!!!!! LOOOOKIIII!!! YOU TURNED ON THE HOT WATER!!!!"

Loki and Kalfu died of laughter as they walked clumsily away from the bathroom.

\----

Thor threw the covers over himself, ready to go to sleep. He heard something creak and he shot up, expecting it to be Loki or Kalfu out to play another sick joke on him, but relaxed when he saw no one there. He layed back down and tried not to think about what kind of tricks those two would try to pull while he was asleep.

Eventually, he just forgot about it and managed to shut his eyes. But he was awoken in the middle of the night by an indescribable itch. Thor tried to ignore it but it kept bugging him non-stop. He threw off the sheets and looked for what was causing it. 

Thor was horrified to see thousands of spiders crawling all over his body, mattress, and floor. Some were bigger than others and some undoubtedly looked like they contained a substance that would mean a very unpleasant experience for the blonde if he got bitten. Thor dashed out of bed and ran around like a headless chicken in a desperate attempt to shake them off. Frigga stepped out of her room to see why the hell her eldest son was freaking out.

"Darling, calm down!", Frigga tried to sooth the screaming boy.

"They're all over me, Mother!", Thor cried helplessly.

"What's all over you?", Frigga put her hands on her son's shoulder and searched for anything that could possibly be wrong.

"The SPIDERS! They're-", Thor looked down to see nothing but his pajamas, "Gone?"

Frigga sighed, "You just had a bad dream, dear. You're alright."

"B-But, I s-saw-"

"Honestly, brother.", Loki stepped out of his room with a tired yawn, smiling only slightly, "It's late. Try to be a little bit more courteous to those around you. I could offer you something to help you sleep if you still struggle with nightmares."

Thor seethed at his annoyingly clever brother, he was so obviously putting up a facade, a convincing one at that. "I'd rather die or have my abilities taken away than to accept something from you, you snarky son of a-"

"Thor!", Frigga scolded.

"Apologies, mother.", Thor sighed, admittedly too tired to argue with Loki at the moment.

Frigga didn't say anything else and retired to her room. Thor did the same, not without sending Loki a nasty look, mind you. To which Loki shrugged and went to his room as well.

Loki smirked as he saw his companion crawl through his window to greet him once he closed the door. 

"Did it work?", Kalfu questioned expectedly.

"Like a charm, my dear, like a charm.", Loki chuckled darkly.

Kalfu followed him and soon the room was filled with quiet, evil laughter.

\----

Loki and Kalfu couldn't be any more proud of their work. Thor could no longer sit still without the worry of them doing something horrible to him. He was so paranoid to the point where the slightest of sounds would cause him to jump and get him into a fighting position. 

They left him alone for a whole week. Loki was against it at first, but Kalfu explained that sometimes doing nothing is so much more terrifying. Targets will have to live in fear of the next attack and will never anticipate the outcome. Then when they do scare Thor again, his screams will be far more satisfying. 

Loki was stunned by his friend's logic but was too impressed by him to argue with his sentiment. Loki didn't know what came over him but he grabbed his friend's cheeks and rubbed them affectionately as if he was praising a puppy, pursing his lips as he cooed his next sentence, "You're so evil!~"

Kalfu laughed, blushing a little at the attention, "I aim to please, darling."

Loki released him with a chuckle, watching as his crimson shimmered with affection despite being let go. Did he like being touched like that or was he imagining things? Loki coughed into his fist casually. No. Now was not the time to dwell on such things. They had to plan their next attack.

Loki moved to the side as Kalfu brought out a notepad he had been scribbling his ideas down on. Loki smirked at all the ideas that were spoken of and added some of his own to the mix. They had so much torment to perform and so little time.

\----

Thor was going crazy. Just when he thought Loki and Kalfu were done messing with him, they came up with new ways to freak him out a week at a time. The worst part was he never knew when or what to expect. So him trying to fight back was pointless. He tried, at least, but ultimately failed. 

This week was another long wait for inevitable torture. Thankfully, it was the last week before Halloween. He just wanted this horrid month to be over with already. Even though he knew it was foolish to expect the two to leave him alone after Halloween has ended, at the very least their pranks wouldn't be as intense, or so he hoped.

Thor sluggishly trailed down the hallway, not really caring about where he wanted to go. Thor froze as a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. Long hair tickled the back of his neck. Kalfu. "Why so serious, Thor?~", he whispered softly.

Odin's beard...someone help him. 

"You're so much more handsome with a smile.~", Kalfu dragged his sharp nail across the corner of Thor's lips, making him wince, "No matter. I know how to make you feel better."

"I'm good, thanks.", Thor deadpanned. He wanted nothing to do with whatever he had to offer.

He had no choice, of course. All the lights switched off at once. Oh hell no! Thor struggled to get free of Kalfu's embrace but had a death grip on him. Suddenly he heard the sound of hissing everywhere. He gaped in horror as the floors, walls, and ceilings were covered with snakes. The snakes on the floor slithered around his ankles and even looked directly up at him. Thor shook, unable to move.

"What's wrong, Thor?", Kalfu mused, "Loki told me you love snakes."

"Indeed, brother.", Loki appeared from thin air, getting uncomfortably close to Thor's face, "WhY aReN't YoU hApPy?~" Loki morphed his face to be more snake-like, baring sharp fangs with a nasty grin and disturbing glowing slated purple eyes, hissing and presenting a snake's tongue.

Thor's scream howled through the walls and possibly broke the sound barrier, along with quite a few valuable items in their home. The lights switched back on as Odin rushed to his aid. "What happened?!"

Loki and Kalfu were already both hugging Thor by the time he entered the situation. "Thor was shaken up again, Odin, sir." Kalfu explained as he rubbed the other boy's back.

"We heard his scream and rushed to comfort him.", Loki continued, petting his brother's hair.

"Ah, I see.", Odin breathed a sigh of relief, "Well, I have some things to attend to. Don't misbehave."

"Yes, Father."

"Yes, sir."

With that, Odin was gone. Loki and Kalfu waited until they were sure Odin was far enough not to hear them. Once sure, the two boys burst into fits of laughter, rolling on the floor in tears. Thor seethed at both of them, "It's not funny!"

"Then, enlighten me, brother...", Loki choked in between laughs, "What else could it possibly be?"

Thor was about to smash Mjolnir into Loki's stupid face, until Kalfu turned into a snake and lunged at him, causing him to scream again and back away. Loki and Kalfu laughed even harder at the fact Thor fell for the same trick twice. Thor groaned and stomped off to go fum alone.

\----

It was Halloween night. Thor decided to stay in. But, wouldn't you know it, Loki and Kalfu had different plans. "Mother, me and Kalfu want to observe the humans to get a better idea of what this night is like. Can Thor come with us?", Loki asked.

"Sure, dear.", Frigga smiled gently, "That sounds like a wonderful idea."

Fuck my life, no it doesn't! Thor's thoughts went into a panic. "No way! Find someone else to accompany you. I'm not going anywhere with either of you."

"Why don't you want to go, dear?", Frigga asked, a little crossed at her eldest son's hostile response.

"Yes, Thor, why?", Loki and Kalfu said in unison, smiles spread on their pale cheeks. Thor shuddered. He could just feel the evil energy radiating off of them. Why couldn't anyone else?

"You know, on second thought, I just remembered I promised to visit a friend. I'll see you all by morning.", Frigga was too slow to stop Thor as he exited their home.

She turned to her youngest, "Be careful out there, both of you."

"It's quite alright, Lady Frigga. We'll just stay here.", Kalfu dragged a confused Loki to his room.

"Shouldn't we go after him?", Loki watched as Kalfu closed the door behind him. Kalfu shook his head, smirking.

"Nah. We'll give him a break for tonight. He might actually learn something about mortal tradition instead of wasting his already limited brain cells on fighting.", Kalfu sat on Loki's bed and patted the spot next to him.

Loki chuckled at Kalfu's merciless jab at his brother's expense, sitting beside him, "Perhaps. Perhaps not."

Kalfu hummed, resting his head on Loki's shoulder. Loki winced but relaxed after a while. "I had a lot of fun these past few weeks, Lok.", Kalfu grabbed Loki's arm in an embrace.

Loki smiled nervously,"Uh...yeah. Me too."

"Though we won't be able to terrorize your brother more this Halloween, know there's always next year.", Kalfu chuckled grimly, "And, of course, all the days leading up to that. We'll have more than enough time to think of more ways to torment him. We'll leave the best ones for next Halloween, naturally."

Loki shook his head at his friend, "You are truly a sadist to the core."

"Would you have me any other way, Lok?~", Kalfu teased, acting as if he was afraid of Loki's answer.

"Not one bit.", Loki smiled genuinely.

Kalfu mirrored his expression, moving closer, now hugging his waist. Loki's cheeks flared up, surprised at the amount of affection his friend was giving him. "Kalfu-"

"Want to watch a movie?", Kalfu asked suddenly, looking at him with hopeful crimson eyes. Loki felt his heart pounding but also couldn't help the warmth that spread through him at his friend's request.

"Sure.", He answered simply. 

Kalfu's face lit up and he stood to grab something from the kitchen. Loki felt a little sad to have the other's warmth leave him but waited for him to return. Kalfu came back with a huge bowl of popcorn and an even huger bag of different candies he carried in his mouth. The other boy placed the snacks on the bed so he could grab the remote and find a horror movie to watch.

Once Kalfu was satisfied with his choice, he curled back up to Loki's side, smiling as his friend pulled him closer. "Can't wait to hear your screams, Lok.", Kalfu challenged confidently as the movie began.

Loki laughed, accepting it, "You'll be waiting for an eternity, then, my friend."

"Well...", Kalfu trailed off, a blush noticeably coloring his cheeks. Loki raised an eyebrow, curious as to what his friend was going to say. Kalfu hugged him tighter, "It's a good thing we have that long together, isn't it?"

Loki was blushing now. Regardless of what Kalfu meant by that, it was cute as hell. And Loki was not about to pass up the opportunity to squeeze his friend in a loving hug for such a sweet sentiment. Kalfu quickly wrapped his arms even tighter around Loki in return. 

The God Of Mischief smiled contently, nuzzling his nose into his friend's soft hair, "Yes, it certainly is."

Kalfu purred happily before turning back to the film, glad the opening credits were still rolling. Loki followed suit, curious as to what the story would entail. They both sat there the rest of the night, watching horror movies, eating snacks, and cuddling under the warm blankets.


	7. False Imprisonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalfu gets bored. Enough said.

Kalfu was crossed. Majorly crossed. He hadn't seen Loki in the past year and it was beginning to weigh on his mind with every day that went by. Usually, the God Of Mischief would find some sneaky way to his dimension so as to visit him when he had the chance. Even when he was still dealing with the conflicts between Odin, his attempt to conquer Earth, and dealing with Hela and causing Ragnarok, he still found time to see him when others weren't looking.

But now with his new...." friends", Loki barely had an opportunity to contact him through the veil. They must've been forcing him to remain quiet this entire time. He couldn't think of any other reason he would be taking this long to hear his voice or see his face. Kalfu imagined they were keeping a close eye on him so Loki, being the clever fellow he was, wouldn't risk stepping a toe out of line until he was at least remotely trusted. Kalfu knew this of his love, that he wouldn't remove himself from any form of contact towards him without good reason.

But that didn't mean it didn't piss him off. He was growing weary of controlling The Crossroads with little to no excitement in his day. Sure, the occasional mortal would stumble into his domain and he'd get to fling their body around but there's only so many torture methods he could get through while on duty. He still had his normal schtick with causing misfortune on Midgard and he greatly enjoyed it just as much as he always does, but he missed the good amount of greetings he would get from Loki when the other god figured out it was him.

The God Of Mischief often surprised him with a magic trick and a playful smirk, a humorous quip about the trouble he's been causing, or a loving hug from behind. Sometimes he did all three. Kalfu remembered a time when used his magic to send him flying a couple of feet off the ground and caught him in his arms, giving him a look that was clearly one of mock anger, "Are you, a lesser being, trying to rival me as the God Of Mischief?" He had said.

Kalfu had merely shoved his helmet over his face and smirked widely as he stumbled slightly off balance. The other god told him he'd remember that and set him down with a giggle.

BANG! 

Birds flapped away from their trees as Kalfu's powers set off a large energy blast which caused his surroundings to both wither and explode. The raven-haired man scratched his now growing claws against a tree, impatiently gritting his teeth. He had to see him. Those people weren't even remotely fond or kind towards his Loki so why would they care so much where he was and where he wasn't. They had no authority over him, so why?!

The God Of Misfortune stood up straight, smiling and completely calm, "Well, I could always give him a reason to visit me."

\----

Loki had a feeling his dearest was trying to get his attention. It was just a hunch. What with several unexplained catastrophes taking place in random areas around Midgard and uh...several Avengers going missing each time they took to investigate those areas the moment they arrived. It started with the lesser known Avengers at first. But then when no response was made from the main group, more and more members started to disappear. 

When Captain America went missing as well and with so few of the team left, Nick had Thor take on watching over the others while looking for any unnatural activity. A week passed and there was literally nothing out of the ordinary. Thor then decided it was time to launch a plan to search for the missing Avengers with the other few that were left. The God Of Thunder was literally about to fix his breakfast when that thought popped into his head in a matter of seconds he was gone. Along with the last remaining Avengers who had just woken up.

And Loki just so happened to witness his brother vanish as he was sitting on the couch a few feet away. His emerald eyes shined with fondness instead of malice as Nick rushed into the room to look for Thor. The dark-skinned man looked at Loki with confusion at his soft and content expression.

"Did you have something to do with this-"

"-I suppose I've kept him waiting long enough.", Loki cut Fury off before he could snap at him, " I'll have to take all of this as punishment for not slipping past my obnoxious brother and his friends sooner." 

"What are you-"

"Fury, do take care of the tower while I'm gone. You'll have your members back shortly. I shouldn't be too long.", Loki opened a portal and stepped inside, "Well, depending on how cuddle-starved he is. In which case, you may be waiting for a while."

"Hey! Get back here and answer my-"

Loki had already closed the portal before he could finish.

"Motherfucker!", Fury stomped his foot and fell onto the couch in frustration.

\----

Loki walked through the chambers with a skip in his step. It's been quite some time since he had seen his beloved. And to be honest, he was itching to see Kalfu as well. If it wasn't for the lowly Midgardians and his brother, he would've come sooner. Loki looked at his surroundings and smirked at the amount of Avengers his love had imprisoned in such a short amount of time.

Many of them either begged for his help or immediately assumed he was behind this and started screaming at him upon his arrival. Loki ignored their loud chatter for now and focused what actually mattered at the moment.

"You've established quite the line up here.", Loki found Kalfu casually sitting on a chair while munching on some chocolate. The other god turned to him with wide crimson eyes. A smile made its way on his lips.

"Lowkeh!!!~", Kalfu said through his sweet-filled mouth, swallowing the last of his piece so to speak properly, "It's so good to see you."

The pale man levitated his seat to move closer to his lover and lingered above him. Kalfu rested his chin on his palm, folded one leg over the other and smiled widely. His crimson eyes sparkled with warmth yet they were squinted together lazily as if he wanted to be rid of the other god immediately. Kalfu also seemed to slouch a bit in his chair but at the same time looked to be maintaining a formal sitting position. He popped a couple more chocolates in his mouth before sending a few Loki's way. 

"They're really good. I had wanted to share these with you earlier on but hadn't gotten the chance. Though I am more partial to the other brand, these aren't half bad.", Kalfu casually licked his fingers with a hum, opening his eyes and smiling at his prince, "How've you been by the way? I hope everything hasn't been too hard on you. I'm sorry I haven't been there to hold you at night. Things seem to be quite chaotic without my informed consent. It must be really bothersome for you too, I assume."

Loki had already finished his own and put his arms behind his back curtly, "Well, I can't say it's been the most enjoyable thing in the world if I'm being completely honest.", The frost giant balanced one of his knives on his fingers as a sort of subconscious habit, "Thor's more brain-dead than usual and Fury has been a royal pain in my ass."

"You talk as if I'm not in the room with you!", the aforementioned God Of Thunder shouted from inside his cell, "How about cut out the idle chatter and get us out of here?!"

A whole crowd of Avengers agreed with him and shouted their protests. Loki only chuckled with glee, a playful smirk gracing his lips, "Kalfu, dear, did you hear something?"

The pale god only responded by sipping his gun-powdered rum. 

"Ah, yes. I believe it was....a weasel?", The frost giant smirked looking back at his enraged brother.

"Damn it, Loki-"

"-In all seriousness....", Loki's eyes shifted back to Kalfu as his smirked widened again before completely fading, "You do know why I'm here, correct?"

"Naturally.", Kalfu answered without hesitation. He twirled a lock of his long black hair absentmindedly while now flipping his own knife in his hand.

"Would it be inappropriate to ask 'why'?", Loki raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you never answer The Veil, you don't visit.", Kalfu emphasized his words by counting them off with his fingers, not looking at him directly, "How else am I supposed to get your attention?"

Kalfu's eyes seemed to glow as they met with Loki's once more.

"Am I to understand you went through all this trouble simply so you could see me? Because I haven't contacted you?", Loki narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

"Yes, I'd say that's accurate.", Kalfu deadpanned. ," Though, to be honest, the other reason is everything's been so boring lately." He used his knife to flick a chocolate across the room, which ended up smacking Peter Parker on the forehead.

The Avengers, watching from their many cells, were silent as they could not believe the audacity of this man before them. At least Loki had reasons to attack Earth that at least were a little saner. This wack job falsely imprisoned them simply because he wanted to get the attention of one man. One! As they were waiting for Loki to slit his throat open, they saw the God Of Mischief shake a little. At first, they believed him to be quivering with rage. But the shrill echoes after proved them wrong. So wrong. 

Loki was laughing. The bastard was bloody laughing! 

The frost giant was using his knees to support himself, his eyes were wet from tears and if he could, he likely would've busted a gut then and there. Loki eventually calmed down and held his aching chest and stood up properly. 

He flashed one of his infamous Loki smiles and looked at Kalfu with nothing but endearment, "I thought so.", He said, a chuckle lingering in his voice, "I love you so much."

"You've got to be joking.", Thor looked at his younger brother and....honestly he had nothing to say about this nonsense.

"Though perhaps next time you could use more practical ways to see me when you feel lonely.", Loki ignored Thor and simply continued speaking with him.

"I would if you weren't so distracted in Midgard so often.", Kalfu used his knife to flick a chocolate in his mouth, chuckling to himself.

"Don't blame my brother for what is beyond his control-"

"-I never said I was blaming him, Odinson, now did I?", Kalfu swiftly cut Thor off with his curt voice. The Avengers froze at his cold tone and jumped when landed next to Loki from his chair, his feet making a booming noise the echoed the chambers around them. "That'd be a bit unfair, would it not? I'm blaming all of you."

"That's bullshit!", Tony shouted from his cell, "We can't avoid every issue around us-"

"-But you don't need him for every one, either. Am I wrong, Stark?", Kalfu snapped dryly. Everyone tensed. They honestly couldn't fathom how Loki could remain so unshaken by being so close to this guy. The entire air around him completely changed. It was as if he was holding in all that malice before but nothing indicated he was even interested enough in the situation to even be slightly irked. "Pardon me for saying it but I have a feeling you only keep him around because it's convenient. I seriously doubt you have him around for anything less than utilizing as a tool."

"That isn't true!", Captain America interjected.

"I'd laugh at that if the attempt to prove otherwise wasn't so pathetic.", Kalfu smirked bitterly, "You certainly don't have the actions or words to prove the opposite so why should I believe you?"

"Kalfu, if you're so crossed with me, then say so.", Loki gave his love a sad look, "Don't take your anger out on them."

"I do well enough on my own, Loki, you know this. I hardly need any company.", Kalfu's eyes were only half looking at him, "But when you don't contact me at all is when I start to get antsy. And you've been doing a lot of that lately. That being said, I am not angry with you, quite the opposite. I don't control your life and you may come and go as you please. You wouldn't be the God Of Mischief without your freedom. Though that's exactly what I fear you may be missing as of late." Kalfu's glare towards the Avengers could burn through the toughest of substance.

"Yes, I see.", Loki sighed.

Kalfu found himself smirking again, gesturing all around them, "This is what you get when I get bored."

"Yes, I know.", Loki tried to look annoyed but he loved the man far too much not to smile back, "I just wish some people were a bit more flexible, maybe then we wouldn't have these incidents."

"WE'RE IN CAGES!!!!!", The lot of the Avengers cried.

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you got captured!", Loki scoffed. The God Of Mischief turned back to his lover only to be met with a face full of knives. Luckily, he was fast enough to dodge. Loki stared at what seemed to be a really excited Kalfu ready to pounce again. His eyes shined with bloodlust, his pale cheeks were flushed red, and the smirk he wore never faded. Loki smiled gently, knowing exactly what he wanted.

"You know how they say distance makes the heart grow fonder?", Kalfu breathed heavily.

"I've heard.", Loki got into fighting stance.

"They weren't joking.", Kalfu laughed but his short breath made it difficult to do so. He put a hand to his chest and felt how his heart soared at being near his beloved once more. Kalfu charged at Loki with such speed that the mortals viewing them couldn't see a thing. , "It's been so long since we've played!~"

The Avengers watched helplessly from their cells as the two gods duked it out in front of them, not even to bargain on their freedom, mind you. But simply because they could and they wanted to.

"I know they are not....", Rhodey looked on in disbelief, "You seein' this shit?" He looked over at Clint who just shrugged, accepting the fact they won't get out of there before the two gods were done violently flirting.

Kalfu and Loki were bleeding from head to toe, both looked incredibly happy about it. Seeing each other in pain that they caused not out of malice but out of pure affection was enough to send them both over the edge. Their breathing was ridiculous and yet they took their positions and charged again, wanting to push their endurance to the limit. They were gods, they weren't letting up any time soon.

That was until Kalfu had flipped Loki onto his back and pinned him down with his leg, stabbing through his hair so the shock would keep him in place. Their faces were inches apart and it became clear who the winner was. For now, at least. The God Of Mischief chuckled as his companion just fully flopped on top of him and his face in his shoulder.

"So after all that, you just want to cuddle?", Loki chuckled again when he heard Kalfu whine his response and began to cling to his neck as he sat up. The frost giant wrapped his arms around the man's waist, "Alright, alright. Come here."

"You...missed me too, right?", Kalfu said meekly, so no one else would hear. Though with the echoes, that was difficult.

"Darling, there is never a dull moment with you around.", Loki said it as if it was obvious. Because well, it was. "You're far too clever to be asking such silly questions. I missed you greatly. I was just hoping with everything that's been happening you weren't too overworked."

"Funny how we're usually on the same page.", Kalfu's head lifted to glare at the Avengers again.

Loki separated them enough to look Kalfu in the eye, "Let's cause some mischief and misfortune.~ It's been long enough, I assume."

Kalfu's eyes lit up and he tackled Loki to the ground again, the God Of Mischief grabbing his waist again merrily in the process. "Loki!!!~"

The pale stared into his love's green eyes lovingly before crashing their lips together in a fit of passion. The other god made no protest he flipped them both on their sides in excitement. 

"Oh, shit! Peter, avert your eyes!"

"Mr. Stark, I'm fifteen! And they're just kissing!"

"I said, avert them, god damn it!"

A reluctant Peter sighed and closed his eyes as his ridiculous mentor had told him to do. Kalfu and Loki were now hugging silently, completely ignoring their injuries. Loki smiled down at Kalfu as he cuddled his chest and kissed his forehead. It was such a sweet moment until-

"Hey! That's nice and all...what you two got going there...", Rhodey spoke up, gesturing to the two gods who were seemingly in their own world, "Real cute and sweet but um...CAN Y'ALL LET US OUT OF THESE DAMN CAGES, PLEASE?! IT'S PIZZA NIGHT!!! I'M HUNGRY!!!!"

"Chill out, Rhodey.", Steve said.

"NO!"

Kalfu rolled his eyes and grabbed Loki's hand, pulling the frost giant up with him. "Alright, alright. If you'll stop talking." He snapped his fingers and with that, they all had returned to Midgard in a second. 

Thor looked around the Avengers tower to see his brother was nowhere in sight when the rest of the team returned. "Where's Loki?"

"I will not be joining the rest of you, for the time being, brother."

Thor looked around to still see his brother missing, "Loki? Where are you?"

"Kalfu has allowed me to contact you through The Veil. I will be spending time with him for now. We have a lot of catching up to do. You'll hear from me again, soon. Goodbye."

Thor wasn't able to say anything before Loki....cut off? From where, exactly? Ugh, why was his brother such a handful? "Well, I may not approve of the way that...Kalfu character shows...affection. But I'm glad my brother is happy." 

"Wait, didn't Loki say something about causing 'mischief and misfortune'? That doesn't sound too good for us.", Natasha looked at her teammates with suspicion. They all clearly agreed with the way they tensed up.

"Well, if I know my brother, he likely said that to throw us off.", Thor smiled nervously, "They're probably sitting by candlelight right now. They looked much too tired to-"

Just as he was about to finish his statement, they all heard the collective screams of citizens below their tower. 

"It sounds like candlelight comes after the date, Thor.", Rhodey spat, glaring at the god.

Thor squeezed the brim of his nose irritably.

"Why exactly, did you adopt him?", Doctor Strange questioned with a tired voice.

"By Odin's beard...I wonder that every day.", Thor facepalmed and concluded he was not getting any sleep that night with all those screams stabbing his ears.


End file.
